Torn
by Trips to Neverland
Summary: After the fall of the organization, Shuichi went back to his normal life moving back to New York and marrying his old love, Jodie Starling. But what happens when Akemi Miyano appears in his life again? Will he hang on to his marriage, or will he follow his heart?
1. Prologue

_I'll turn the tide_  
_Pull down the moon_  
_Run rivers dry_  
_Battle fate for you_  
_Let's burn the pages_  
_We'll start anew_  
_Right through the ages, to prove_  
_Fate don't know you like I do _

Desi Valentine

* * *

_Three years and a half ago._

When I regained consciousness I felt so powerless that I couldn't open my eyes. For a moment I thought I was dead if it wasn't for the beeping sound and my heavy breathing that indicated that I'm alive. I gathered my strength to open them again, all I spotted was a blurred image of an ugly green ceiling before me. I shut them, trying to remember what had happened. The memory flashed through my mind vividly.

Gin… that bastard shot me, how predictable of him.

I knew he'd do it. Gin had always been too cautious to just let someone free from the organization. But when you're hopeless, you'd try to hold on to any glimmer of hope, no matter how small it is. And the offer of setting me and my sister free seemed too tempting for me to just let it slip.

When I went to face him, I was expecting him to try to kill me. Yet I was strangely calm and accepting for the idea whether it was to escape with my sister or to die. I wanted the former but didn't mind nor fear the latter. I was at a point where I believed death would be a better fate compared to living under their microscope.

However, I got stuck with a third choice that I didn't know I had. Gin did shot me but I survived. Gin, the one famous among members for always going for the head, shot me in the stomach.

From the smell of the strong disinfectant, I could tell that I was rescued and that I am in a hospital. As I came to this realization, I started freaking out. I started wondering if it would've been better if I'd simply died? How will I continue living? And how was I even rescued in the first place? Did the little kid with glasses call for help? Will the organization find out about him and try to hurt him?

I must've been under the effect of some drug that started to drain off because with every passing moment, my head increasingly hurt and my thoughts sharpened until they got interrupted by the door cracking open. I opened my eyes. My lids felt lighter this time. I was able to distinguish everything clearly, including the blonde man that entered and stood next to my bed.

"Miyano Kun! I'm glad you woke up, we were about to fly you to Korea"

"Korea?" I asked weakly.

"We couldn't wait for you to wake. Having you here is a risk to the hospital. They were just waiting for me to come confirm your identity"

"We! who are you?" I asked. There's no way that the organization would save me so what did he mean by 'we'? I knew Bourbon for a long time, but we haven't talked in years despite how often we stumped into each other ever since he became Dai Kun's partner. Because unlike Dai, who seemed different from them (He did blend well but my intuition felt that he was different). It was scary how much Bourbon managed to blend with their ways. And I trust my intuition so much, it was something the Miyanos share.

"I'm with the police, we're infiltrating the organization and now we're trying to help you" the agent spoke calmly.

I blinked at him, taking the time to absorb what was said "How long have I been here?"

"Six days" I gaped as he proceeded in a hurry "I'm going to be leaving now but the guys will take care of you. They'll give you money and a place to live in as well as a job. You'll be receiving a new identity…"

"Wait, what?" I said, feeling the headache worsens.

He retrieved his fast speech with a stern look. "You've been declared dead five days ago, the organization bought it so you need to leave, having you around will only be a burden on your personnel safety as well as your sister's"

"Where is my sister? I can't leave without her"

"Your sister is still part of them, you're going to have to leave alone. Don't think about contacting her, you'll only get her killed if you do"

The headache kept worsening as if his words were an axe through my skull. I wanted to scream but all I managed was a whispered why?

"They'll explain to you everything once you get to Korea…"

"No! I don't wanna go, not without Shiho" My right hand reached for the IV tube to remove it but he held my wrist.

"Don't be stupid Akemi Kun!" he said softly "You'll only put your sister in danger if you stay, and it won't be long till they really kill you, Gin always go for the head you know, you got lucky this time, next time you won't"

"NO!" I shook my head, my face on the verge of crying.

"She wouldn't come along anyway, seems like your sister is enjoying her time in the organization " He approached me as he continued with almost a whisper. "I'm sure your parents would want you to go too"

I continued to shake my head, my lips were trembling and thick drops of sweat ran down my forehead. His body hovered over mine to the IV drip, making the drops fall at the fastest speed.

"I'm sure you'll make the right choice" he said.

Within a minute, my lids got heavy and I stopped feeling the pain.

_Door opens_

"She's still unconscious? Damn it, I thought I heard her voice"

"She was awake just now, she said she'd go, " Bourbon lied.

"But we need a written consent"

"She'll sign the papers once in Korea, it's a risk to keep her here especially that she wants to go"

"She's been here for two days, let's wait for another-"

"Begin the process! "

"But…"

"Now!"

"Yes sir" Was the last thing I heard before falling to unconsciousness.

When I woke up in a Korean hospital, I cleared my thoughts and came to the conclusion that Bourbon –despite being a manipulative ass, was right! I continued to live there with a new name and identity cutting ties with everyone I knew in Japan. It wasn't until ten months later that the PSB called me stating that the organization was down, that I'm no longer under any threads and I'm free to go back home.

(*)

"Smooch smooch, Akemi babe!" with her voice deepened to resemble that of a man, came the comment from a smirking Anna, the roommate with whom I've been sharing this apartment for six months. Ever since the organization ended, I felt freer to open up to people, and she was one of the few I could confide.

"Stop that! Nothing happened" I interrupted.

"So you're telling me you had dinner with Mr. Smith, and nothing happened?"

"Anna he's my boss, it was for work"

"So what! I've seen the man, he's head over heels for you"

"No, he's not"

"Oh trust me" she nodded "I can know it when someone has a crush"

"Then you should be able to know that about me"

"Please! Don't tell me you're ditching a man like Mr. Smith just to wait for the FBI agent who may never come"

"Technically I'm not ditching Mr. Smith, he doesn't like me to begin with… And Dai Kun… you know I moved here to find him"

"Look, sweety! You do realize that you have nothing to lead you to him. No phone number, no address. It's been over three years since you last met, he probably got married and have a buncha kids now" she turned to the microwave to take out the hot cocoa.

"Dai Kun with kids!" I chuckled " I can't imagine that"

"It's been six months already since you moved to New York and there's no sign. How long are you planning to wait?" Anna looked serious unlike her usual self, her eyes looked kind of sad.

"Well, I know that he works here, maybe one day we will cross paths and…"

"No maybes!" she sat down on a stool, handing me a cup "You have a wild imagination. Just say yes to Mr. Smith, you two are made for each other"

"Anna, he didn't ask me out. He doesn't even think of me that way "

"Yes he does"

"No, he doesn't"

She examined me for a while in silence blinking once, twice… "Smooch smooch, Oh Mr. Smith, I love you so much…"

I rolled my eyes. Ugh, that girl, always driving me mad and causing me all kinds of trouble. I love her too much to move out.

We watched a movie together then I headed to my room where I thought about what she said. As much as I hated to admit it, Anna had a point. It's been three years, six months and a couple of days since I last met Dai Kun, and I was ready to give up anything to see him. But all I knew about him was that he's an FBI agent in New York City. Apparently, he changed his phone number and he doesn't have any social media accounts.

When I moved here six months ago, I knew that my chances were small, but I still hoped that one day we will meet. I missed him so much to the point that it physically ached. I missed the touch of his skin, the sound of his voice and even his scent. That scent that always felt refreshing, I don't even know what it was but it smelled good and distinct from anybody else and I always associated it with him.

Luckily I had my imagination to help. I imagined tens of scenarios for our first meeting. My favorite being me walking to him when he's alone pretending that I'm a ghost. He doesn't believe in ghosts and he's always so stoic but that's guaranteed to creep the hell out of every normal person and he's no exception. Or maybe he is. I mean what kind of person doesn't have a social media account? Not a normal person as far as I could tell.

Despite all my excitement to meet him, there was always a little thought that I tried to lock in the back of my mind, but it kept coming back to me every day and causing me to wonder; Did he truly love me as much as I loved him? Or was it all part of an act to achieve his goals?

His love felt so real to me, I am 90% sure it was true, but could never achieve a hundred unless I hear him say it.

I turned my body to the other side of the bed and soon fell asleep, not knowing that tomorrow will be the day we meet.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I hope you like it.


	2. The meeting

My vision blurred with tears not even giving me a chance to make sure it was him. I closed them tightly, wiping away the excess of salty water before fixing them again on the man walking out of a building.

It was him there in front of me. It was Dai Kun in flesh and bones. One little glance at his face was enough for me to notice how similar he looked to when we dated three and a half years ago. He looked just as handsome. The only thing that changed was his waist-length hair that now lied by the base of his neck.

Despite how much I fantasized about this day, I never thought it would feel like this. I couldn't even understand what I was feeling as my heart trembled inside my chest.

"Dai Kun" I murmured. But it was too low for him to hear.

He continued walking away.

Straightening my back, I wiped my tears another time. I gathered the strength to yell his name again before he disappears from my sight.

Dai turned around. His face –Illuminated by the street lamp, fell from a neutral expression to shock and then to a controlled visage. _How typical of him_. He walked to me with fast paces, holding my shoulders and looking at my face incapable of believing what he was seeing.

"I… How...You're..." he stuttered. I couldn't help but smile at the look he gave me. This was the first time I see him confused through the years I got to know him.

"I lived Dai Kun" I said, feeling my heart beating like a drum. And before I could finish, my stupid tears betrayed me again.

With his hands on my shoulders, Dai stood motionless. He was eating me with his eyes as if he couldn't believe that I'm real. He didn't move an inch until I threw my faint body in his embrace. He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me. His embrace was warm, and his scent was the same as before. Even his arms were still the same strong arms that never failed to make me feel protected. His hug felt like safety, a feeling I lacked for years. I squeezed him back feeling his firm torso and his steady heartbeats. How I longed for this moment to come, it felt perfect, it was everything that I wanted in life. We stood in the middle of the sidewalk as I wished for the moment not to end. But Dai Kun pulled back.

"How?" he asked with a barely audible voice, both his hands on my shoulders.

"I was expecting Gin to kill me, but I got lucky he shot me on the stomach."

"If you knew he'd try to kill you then why did you do such a stupid thing? "

"I was fed up… I, I needed a way out" I took a shaky breath " I wanted to take my chances"

I stopped talking. It was the first time his green eyes deviate from mine to look over my shoulder at the people passing by.

"Let's go, we shouldn't be standing here" he said, taking his hands off my shoulders before creating two fists and shoving them into his pocket.

Dai Kun started walking sternly. It tickled my memory from years ago and made me feel warm.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"There's a park nearby"

It was the nearest place he could think of that could give us enough privacy. I followed his steps stealing a look at his face. He looked good even with the short hair, and his eyes still held depth and mystery along with the same bags underneath them. Die kun didn't look me back. Instead, he kept walking deadly silent while looking forward at the street, for a moment there it seemed he forgot about my presence. I was dying to hear from him but he was far too focused on his internal thoughts, trying to absorb the fact that I was actually alive and next to him.

"Life was hard after you left" I said when I realized he was not going to say anything "I didn't really have anything to lose except for my sister, which I trusted you to take care of"

"Why didn't you come to me?" His voice was chocking "you could've told me what was going on, I could've helped"

"They sent Vermouth to get you. If I were to meet you she would've killed both of us. That's why they let me live at first, they hoped I'd contact you and lead them to where you are. "

"You're so stupid!" He whispered.

I knew Dai, saying stupid was his way of expressing love, _that dork!_ I turned my head and looked up to face him again. "I'm so happy that we met again, Dai kun"

"Ah, actually Akemi, my name is Akai Shuichi" he said with a sad tone as if he was breaking bad news. It only helped to make me smile again. He doesn't know that I did all the researches needed on him. And to make things clear; No! I'm not a stalker.

"I know what your name is, Baka! " I giggled.

"Then let's start using it instead of Dai, okay?" he looked down at me for the first time since we started walking. It made my heart beat faster.

I nodded. Though I won't be calling him that for a while, I'm used to Dai kun for a long time.

"How's your sister?" he asked, turning to face the road again. The park entrance was a couple of steps ahead of us.

"She's fine, thank you for protecting her for me...we're not as close as we used to be though. We had a bit of a quarrel before I came to America"

My younger sister was all I had left in life. Nevertheless, I couldn't get Dai Kun out of my mind and had to meet him at least once to let him know I survived. I prepared everything for me and her to move to New York where we can get jobs and restart our lives, she studied here before so she was familiar with the atmosphere. But Shiho was not supportive of my decision. She said that I'm out of my mind to go after a person that used me and risked my life, someone that ran away and left me alone to face death ruthlessly. I could've died in the confrontation, and even though I didn't, my absence and announced death caused her great pain, and she blamed it all on him.

When she refused to come along, I decided to make my trip to America temporary just to find Dai and then move back to Japan, but as the trip took longer, she grew more distant. I knew she was right deep inside, I do miss her so much and wish I could be with her but I just couldn't go back. I had to find him first.

"Your sister is a tuff nut. She refused to talk to me when she found out who I was, good thing I didn't let her know until everything ended"

"She's always been like that… I hope she forgives me someday"

"I'm sure she will, she loves you so much" he said, face still looking forward, eyes still focused on the entrance that's getting closer with every step we take, not stealing a second to look at my face which he hadn't seen for years. Didn't he miss my face as much as I missed his?

The moon stood half full in the dark of the sky. Dai and I reached the park. We took a seat on one of the benches where we lost track of time.

I told him about the frightening 2 years I spent in the organization after he left. And the lonely 10 months in Korea that followed. And how I moved back to Japan and looked for my sister soon as the organization fell, how beautiful those 2 months were with her! It was as if everything that had happened was a distant nightmare. And then, I move here and we fought. Dai said it's a temporary thing but it was taking too long. She wasn't the only one in pain, I was too, I was feeling so lonely and desperately needed our old relationship, our sisterhood and our friendship back as much as she needed them. But Shiho... well it's Shiho.

I told him about how much I missed him during all of this time. How I moved to America with nothing but a wishful thought. How I tried to reach him but found no way.

_But now we are together._

That night in the park, I cried all of my pain. I wanted to throw myself in his embrace, I needed him to hold me and hug me tight. But all he did was place a comforting hand on my back whenever my tears intensified, only to be pulled back into his pocked soon as I'd stop. I didn't dare to hug him first seeing that he was keeping a little gap between us, I just wanted to respect his choice and not seem needy.

Dai apologized for leaving me. He took a little time to tell me about his suffering too. Other than that he didn't talk much, he didn't even uncover what he felt towards me. He was just burning cigarettes one after the other as he listened to me do most of the talking. I was dying to hear from him, but he had a lot of questions that I had to answer first.

I would lie if I say I was happy with his reaction, from how he's been acting I was starting to believe that what we used to have was all part of an act. The mere idea sent a shiver down my spine.

Maybe he noticed my expression changing, or maybe because I started talking less that he decided to change the conversation to something more pleasant. Seeing Dai smile made it all better, that cunning FBI skipped the part where he had to talk about himself but didn't miss the chance to engage in other conversations.

We talked and talked and yet I still felt hungry for more. I looked up only to notice that the sky has turned dark blue declaring the appearance of the first strings of light.

"Oh! the sun is rising" I chirped.

"Shit! how long have we been here?" his face suddenly changed.

"I don't know!"

"It's too late" Dai said, looking serious all of a sudden.

I looked up to him to fill my eyes with his face. His eyes were flickering with every shade of green, and his lips were pinkish and a bit chopped. I didn't realize I was looking at them for too long, I was longing for a kiss to heal the wounds of the past, I was expecting it, waiting for it as if I was an addict who was about to get a dose of the drug that he's been deprived of for years. I was done with waiting and decided to initiate it myself, but before I reached him, He stood up.

I took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling scared as tens of questions popped into my head. I wondered why was he being cold. Why didn't he kiss me? It was obvious that I wanted him to, No.. it was common sense, that's the thing to do after not seeing your lover for three years. He didn't even say anything about how much he missed me. Even his face looked somehow robotic, I hated that poker face he always kept.

I thought maybe It was still too early to reach a conclusion on this point. We just met and he still has plenty of time to tell me he missed me. He must be shocked, that's what I wanted to believe. But the reality was too clear it hit me right into the face.

"I think it's time to go " he said, aiming for the park door.

I was trying to deny it but now it's no longer deniable; Dai didn't love me back. Maybe I was stupid for not taking all the hints from before. Perhaps all he did three and a half years ago was to use me and now he wants nothing to do with me. Perhaps the sister that I left for him was right all along. He probably sat with me out of guilt because he used me before.

I longed to throw myself into his arms and kiss him but I couldn't. I wanted to tell him I love him but I feared that he doesn't want me in his life.

"Don't go, not again." a plea came out of my mouth unconsciously. After so long without him, I was convinced that I will die if he left now. I needed him and hoped he needed me.

"I have to! Maybe we can catch up another day. I'll call you a cab just wait by the park door, it's too empty here it's not safe" Dai said hurriedly before hastening towards the park entrance.

I stood up from the bench in shock "Dai kun" I yelled. He stopped and looked back. "…I, I don't even have your contact! It took us six months to…" I trailed off.

"Ah! Sorry.." he ran back to me handing me a card "Here's my card, Goodnight Akemi!"

He turned on his heels and left in a hurry.

_Here's my card? why is he talking to me as if I'm one of his business acquaintances?_


	3. The truth

When a husband is late, most women will think that he was caught up in work, went to meet a friend, or in the worst case scenario, he's cheating. But when it comes to me, I always think that something bad had happened to him, that he was shot or hurt. It's a price to pay when your husband works for the FBI and tries to play the hero most of the time. He did get shot before while playing the hero to save Ai Haibara.

I am used to Shuichi being late but he always calls to tell me he will be. This time he didn't and his phone was off, and the clock ticking on the wall made matters worse. This is the latest he has been since we started living together.

The sound of the key turning reached my ear before it opened exposing Shu. I breathed a breath of relief that I didn't realize I was holding before putting one hand on my waist.

"Hey!" Shuichi casually said, proceeding me to go inside.

"Hey? HEY? Is that all you have to say after spending a whole night out?"

I was worried sick for hours, but he just acted as if nothing was wrong. It made my blood boil. He stopped walking and turned to face me. He was not getting away with it that easily, what was he even expecting?

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Actually I was with Camel…"

"Don't you think I called Camel? I was worried sick I called Camel who woke up from sleep to answer. You left Camel at the bar at 11:30, its 4 am already. You were not with Camel"

"That's because you didn't let me finish my sentence." he continued calmly " I stumped into an old friend from Japan, we went for a walk and started talking about the old days and I didn't realized how much time had passed until the sky lightened"

"And who is that friend that made you lose track of time?"

"We used to be close"

"Why didn't you call me? Why was your phone off in the first place?" I threw him a suspicious glare.

"The battery ran out " he tilted his head to the side and continued softly "look Jodie, I'm sorry I made you worry"

"Is that all you're sorry about?"

"I'm sorry that I stayed out at night without telling you that I'll be coming home late"

"Look, we still have a couple of hours to sleep" I said putting an end to the conversation and racing to the bedroom, but his footsteps kept stubbornly following me.

Once we reached in, I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and handed them to him. Shuichi stood there acting as if startled with his stupid green eyes wide open blinking innocently, the guy never fails to unravel his stupid poker face, so him doing this means that he was acting stupid. _Also, I'm mad at him and everything he does right now is stupid!_

"You sleep on the couch"

"What? Why? But I apologized"

"Yeah! But I'm still mad at you. You made me so worried. I thought something bad had happened to you" When he didn't take the things I handed, I started walking back to the living room to take them myself. Again, his steps followed.

"Aren't you happy that I'm fine?"

"Yeah! But I'm mad because you know how I worry, but forgot about my existence and didn't try to call me"

" You can't stay mad at me, Jodie"

"I like your confidence, one of the reasons I married you" I smiled before walking back towards the bedroom.

I heard his steps behind me as I walked "Don't follow me Shuichi!"

"Ouch! Shuichi? Is it that bad?"

I've been calling Shuichi 'Shu' for years now, even when we broke up! So when I don't use it he knows he's in a critical situation.

"Yes it is" I took a turn to the kitchen and he followed.

"I can't sleep there, it's uncomfortable!"

"So that's all that you're worried about, the couch being uncomfortable?"

The worrying made me thirsty so I started pouring myself a cup of water.

"That and you… "

I was gonna answer him but preferred to let him wait instead, maybe he can feel a tiny bit of the stress I've felt while I waited for him. I drank my water slowly while sending him a piercing glare. That idiot didn't even organize his priorities right! Apparently, the couch was his first concern and then comes me.

"Baby" he added.

To be honest, my heart melted a little when he said that. I placed the cup on the counter and started walking towards the bedroom with his steps following.

"You can't stay mad at me" God his confidence provoked me, even when apologizing it felt as if he was doing me a favor.

"Try me!"

The next thing I knew was his arms sweeping me off my feet right into his chest.

"You can't, can you?" he smiled with anticipation. _Ah, that jerk, I forgave him already but I can't let him get away with it easily, not yet._

"Shu, what're you doing? Put me down" I said fighting the urge to smile and putting on the best serious face I could pull.

"Can you?"

"Yes I can "

"Are you sure?" he smirked.

It was weird for me to see him smirk like that. I couldn't hold it any longer, I hid my face by burying it inside his chest and smiled secretly.

"Mut mii dowww" I said, talking in his shirt.

"What's that? I didn't hear you" shu started walking towards the bedroom. "you're not mad at me?"

I pulled my head to face him, swallowing a laugh and looking all serious "I am"

He suddenly stopped walking and looked at me for a moment examining my eyes, his greens looked bigger than ever with the low lighting. At that point I was no longer able to hide it, my laugh filled the air followed by his smile, I formed a fist and punches his chest "I hate you"

Shuichi just kept walking to the bedroom ignoring my fists.

Looking at his smile, I wondered how could I ever stay mad at him.

(*)

I entered the apartment and placed the groceries on the kitchen table, that's when Shu came out of the bedroom. My brows lifted at his sight. He was wearing a dark grey coat on black pants, and more importantly, didn't wear that knit cap I despise. He looks way better without it yet insists on wearing it for some reason. He once told me that his family has a thing for hats as a joke, but meeting his mom and sister, and seeing a picture of his dad, I'm starting to believe they really do.

"Look at my baby all dressed up and looking séeexy" I cheered.

He looked down at himself "You think this is dressing up?"

"Once you remove that knit cap of yours I call it dressing up, anyways, where are you going?"

"I'm meeting somebody"

"Don't tell me it's that friend from the other day" I snorted.

"Yep"

"Really? Damn I'm good" I grinned impressed by my own deduction skills, although it was just a lucky guess "you know I'm starting to get jealous of that friend of yours"

"Well maybe he should be jealous of you" he said checking the watch on his wrist."I'm a little late, I should get going"

"Wait" I looked at him with a serious face, it was a question that I already knew the answer to but had to ask anyway "that friend of yours is a guy, right?"

Shuichi opened his mouth for a moment before closing it again. Then he smiled "of course"

Just as I'd expected. As far as I'm concerned he didn't have many friends in Japan and all of them were guys.

"Hey Shu! You should invite him here sometime, I'm curious to meet him"

"I don't think that's gonna happen"

"Why not?"

"Because today is probably the last time we meet" he said in a hurry before printing a light kiss on my cheek and aiming for the door. So that friend is probably here on vacation and he's going back to Japan soon.

"Don't be late!"

"I won't"

(*)

'Die Kun, I was wondering if you have time for us to have dinner together and talk about the old days. This is my number by the way. Akemi'

I looked at the phone screen patiently waiting for his reply. I couldn't wait to see him again and ended up sending him a message one day after we met. It didn't take him long to respond that he's available tomorrow, but for coffee and not dinner. It was fine. I couldn't care less whether we were gonna eat dinner or have coffee or even water and bread, I just cared to see him again.

I dressed up in a light blue dress shorter than what I'd usually wear, and put on the perfume he'd always said he liked and headed to the meeting place.

I thought him being open to meet me again is a good sign. Maybe I miss interrupted the whole incident at the last meeting. Anna told me that the signs are clear and she is sticking to the idea that he's married and has a bunch of kids, but she didn't know him like I do, Dai Kun was not that kind of guy. I hoped today we can make our relationship clearer and talk about our present and future despite what my text message stated.

From my seat next to the window, I saw him approaching the café with his hands in his pocket sheltering them from the cold breeze. Soon, he was inside, I followed his eyes as they looked for me and smiled soon as our eyes met. He took a couple of steps and stood next to me.

"Hey!"

"Hello, Die Kun"

"Please stop calling me that" It sounded as if begging. It was funny coming from him.

"Have a seat" I giggled "you're late! Guess old habits are hard to break"

"I got caught up with something"

"I see" I smiled to hide my nervousness, having him staring at me with his green eyes made me feel as if he was looking through me. It made me forget what to say despite planning it yesterday "this is a lovely place, I can't believe I didn't know about it though I live two blocks away"

"Ah Akemi, there's something I need to tell you"

I looked at him concerned. My heart started pounding, and my eyes grew in anticipation!

"Actually I'm… I'm married"

"Oh!" looking down, I saw all of my dreams shatter before me, everything played back in my brain and now, it all suddenly made sense, The way he treated me the other night, how he stood up instead of kissing me…

"I thought you should know" he continued with a low voice.

I raised my head to face him again with a smile. It was so hard to maintain when I felt a lump in my throat "why are you telling me this all of a sudden? I was kinda expecting that since it's been a long time since we lost contact, I was pretty sure that you started over with someone new. I didn't expect a marriage to be honest but I didn't rule that out too…" I took a deep breath "congratulations"

"Thanks!" Dai replied.

Even if it was fake, It was such an irony that we dated before. I was a simple girl, doesn't even know how to lie, and even when I lied, my eyes spoke every word for me. I knew that he knew I was lying. I told him that day in the park that I came to America for him. If what I said now is true then why would I leave my only family to come look for him? The fact that he knew about that made me feel pathetic, I thought about him every day for years and left everything in my life to come find him when he was married and not even thinking about me like Anna said, he used me like my sister said, love blinded me all along.

Saying that wasn't an easy task for him either, he looked pained despite his usually stoic face. Even his skin was pale. But this was nothing compared to how I felt.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies room"

Dai just nodded.

I couldn't accept it, I was stuck in a phase of denial. Dai Kun can't be married… But this time it wasn't a silly suggestion from Anna, they were his actual words. I washed my face not caring for the makeup that now was a smudge under my eyes. _You need to strong_ I repeated to myself. I fixed my makeup and got back out after a while.

When I went back, I didn't find him on the table, I felt kind of relieved. I didn't want to deal with him when I felt my tears are on the verge of falling any second, I didn't want him to see me weaker than he already knows. I was thinking about a way to get out of this anyway because it would be awkward if he stays. I can't discuss anything with him with a megaphone in my head stating that he's married every second.

Soon as I approached the seat he appeared holding his phone in hand.

"Akemi, something came up at work, I need to go"

"That's fine" I nodded.

"I'm really sorry" he placed some bills to pay for the drinks and left. I wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for being married, for using me or for having to go.

When I went back home, I refused to talk to Anna, I just told her that I need to rest. When I walked to my room I heard her curse him, she knew it went badly.

Eventually, I took a shower and laid on my bed where tears drew out of my eyes enough time to soak the pillow.

I flipped it to the other side and rested my head on it, and waited for the pain in my heart to get replaced by the anesthesia of sleep.


	4. The kiss

Dai Kun was not with me for years now, but I always had hope by my side. I always thought when we meet, it'll end in a happily forever after. I guess I was so stupid to not consider the other scenario where he is the evil guy, a good actor that made a convincing act without having any feelings for me. But it was hard for me to consider this when I thought of him as an angel.

It's been 2 weeks since we last met. They were awful. I couldn't eat or sleep and didn't get out of bed. I even quit my job thinking I'll go back to Japan. Every memory we shared played like a movie in my head. I felt lost, like I lost a big part of me that I couldn't get back and I wanted it so bad as if my life depended on it but it was all gone, vanished in thin air.

He used me. Nevertheless, I still loved him. A love of years can't be taken back in a week even if you find out your love is the worst person alive. I felt guilty for craving to see him one more time. Even if the signs were clear I needed to ask him if he had loved me back then, even a little bit. I just had to ask him that.

I wanted to call him but I couldn't, would it be considered an affair if we meet?

"Yes! He obviously moved on, so stop thinking about him. Even if he was single I wouldn't let you call him first. If he wanna talk then he'll reach out to you" Came the answer from Anna.

"You don't get it, he's not like other guys"

"That's what every girl says about the guy she loves, but in reality, all guys are the same"

"But he really is not"

"Well, aren't you so cute!" Anna tilted her head to the side "you know what Akemi! You need some distraction"

"Distraction!"

She nodded "how long has it been since you left the house? You're in your room all day thinking about him. You need to forget about him, just get yourself distracted by something"

"I think I'll pass"

"Why? So you can go back into that room and stare at your pictures? You really need to go out sweetie…How about we go out now?"

"It's ten at night. I'm getting kind of sleepy"

"If I knew you'd go to sleep I wouldn't argue, but I'm sure you won't… you'll keep thinking about him and it'll drive sleep away from your eyes"

"Okay! But I'm not in the mood for anything" I sighed. Why is she always right?

"Then let's do that"

"Do what?" I looked at her questionably.

"Do nothing" she shrugged "let's just ride around"

We both put on our coats without even changing our pajamas, and hit the roads. The weather was chilly. I hoped to distract my brain from Dai and I think Anna's idea worked for a while until I decided to take her to the park where we met. Stupid idea!

We took a walk in the park, but when we walked out…

"Oh my god!" my eyes widened and my mouth gaped for some oxygen " it's him!"

"What!" Anna mumbled.

"Die Kun"

Dai's sharp eyes turned to meet mine, he examined me for a moment before walking to me, and with every step he took, I felt more butterfly in my stomach. I didn't even know how to interact with him? What to say? _Wait, am I still gaping? Dammit, close your mouth Akemi!_

"Hey, Akemi! Didn't expect to see you here again" His voice sounded so satisfying to my ears.

"Hi! Die kun, I was taking a walk with my friend"

"It's Shuichi"

"Ah yes! Sorry" I giggled nervously.

"So, where is your friend?" he looked around examining my surroundings.

"She's right h…" I turned behind me but Anna was not there. Looking back at him, I saw her over his shoulder fanning herself and biting her lips! Then she signaled a good bye with a grin! I don't even know how she got there, that girl! "…on her way to a friend. She got a call from him?" _why did that sound like a question? idiot! Keep yourself together Akemi, just take a deep breath and calm down._

Shuichi smiled, the type of smile that gives you the vibe that he's just finished reading your thoughts and seeing through your lies, I never like it when he does that. "hope that everything's okay"

"Yes, its fine"

"Do you live nearby?"

"Kind of, we came here by her car"

"Then how are you planning to go home?"

_Alright think! A cab? I don't have money._ "on foot"

His brows rose up "you shouldn't walk alone at this hour, especially in a park. This is New York, it's not like you're in Japan"

"I can protect myself"

"You need to be more careful" he said in a low voice. I nodded.

"And what are you doing here?"

"I like coming to that bar from time to time"

"Oh! I see"

"Are you going this way?" he asked pointing at the road behind me.

"Yes!"

"Good! You're on my way then. Come on, I'll give you a ride"

"Okay!" I smiled. Except that my brain was boiling on the inside, my house was supposed to be in the opposite direction, _why did I even say yes? What am I gonna do?_

A chilly breeze tickled both our faces, Dai tucked his hands in his pocket and took out a key, he walked to a red mustang parked near the bar.

"So, how are you liking it here?"

"It's fine"

"Good to know"Shuichi said. He settled in his seat and took out a smoke pack from his pocket and started smoking before starting the engine.

"Are you ever going to quit that?"

He simply shrugged.

I waited for him to talk but all that I got back were inhalations of the cigarette followed by smoke filling the air, even a cigarette had a better love life than me. Gotta admit they seemed pretty harmonious.

I've always hated how little he talked, come to think of it I hate a lot of things about him, yet here I am still in love with him, if that make any sense. We took a left turn when I finally decided to break the silence.

"The other day I wanted to call you, but I wasn't sure you'd want to meet again"

"What made you think that?" he asked.

"I don't know. I figured since you're married…" I stopped to take a deep breath "I just wanted to respect that and let you be comfortable"

"We're friends Akemi. It's always fine to call me"

I felt relieved! So we were just FRIENDS… it's not an affair like Anna said.

As we approached the next crossroads, I asked him to take another left turn. Shuichi placed his cigarette in the ashtray and turned to face me.

"Didn't we just take a left turn? This will basically take us back to where we were"

_No shit!_ I thought to myself as I looked him back. "I'm not quite familiar with this area, my friend brought me from this way"

"I see!"

When silence enveloped us again, I sneaked a look at him. He seemed too focused on the road. Despite looking handsome, his face looked stern, maybe even scary for someone who doesn't know him. I wondered how he managed to get close enough to someone and get married with this personality of his. After all he only got close to me because I hit him with my car, I hoped he didn't get in another accident. Did he?

"Die k…" I stopped talking when I saw the death glare he sent me from the corner of his eye "Ah Shuichi kun… how did you meet your wife?"

"She's my colleague in the FBI, we used to be partners" he smiled.

Ah! That makes sense.

"What about you? Did you meet somebody?"

"Take the right turn" I looked at my hands on my lap nervously "not yet"

"You'll find someone soon, you're smart and beautiful…" My heart melted for his sweet words. His voice was so southing. It felt like satisfaction to my soul and I wished I can hear him go on forever. Except that we reached my apartment.

"This is it" I said "this is where I live"

"You must have a nice view from there" he looked up at the high building.

"yeah!" I smiled "ah, do you want to come up?"

He looked at me and shook his head " it's too late, I must go home"

"I see" I whispered "thanks for the ride".

After I ascended from the car, Dai kun mumbled good night and soon was on his tracks back. That's when I absentmindedly called him.

He stopped the car and got out. His eyes shone in the poorly lit street. I walked to him and stood close, less than half a meter away. I had to know, I had to ask him. For all I know, this could be the last time we meet.

"Shuichi kun" I started, with a determined look, and a heart shaking in wait for the response "I was wondering… back then when you were infiltrating the organization, did you-"

"Akemi! That's in the past now, let's not talk about it anymore" he cut me off, eyes looking away.

"No, I wanna know" I protested, piercing him with my eyes "did you-"

"Akemi, I'm late, reopening the past will take a long time so goodnight" he simply said, then he got back into his car and drove away.

I stood there in shock for a moment before getting into the apartment. A sudden voice of a certain someone scared the crap out of me.

"Now I see what you're talking about" Anna said. She was sitting on the couch.

"Jesus! You scared me" I said. I walked and took a seat next to her then pushed her with my shoulder "So… what is it this time?"

"That body, and that face. And he's a badass FBI agent above all" She grinned.

"Oh Anna, more importantly, a married FBI agent" I giggled.

"Yeah, you're right. How'd it go?"

"Not good, I asked him but he was too late for something and just went without answering"

"Too bad"

"Oh and you, way to go for leaving me there alone, if he weren't to drive me what would I have done?"

"He's a gentlemen, I was sure he wouldn't leave you" she snorted.

"So now you call him a gentleman? After cursing him for an entire week"

"You still love him despite what he did. So shut up"

Today, I felt sad that I didn't know the answer to my question, but I learned something important, that he goes to that bar near the park. I now know where to find him. I will go there tomorrow and ask and won't let him fool me again like the previous times. I just have to know before I go back to Japan.

(*)

I applied a second coating of red lipstick to finish my look then looked back in the mirror. The black dress with the low neckline highlighted every curve in my body. It's been so long since I last dressed up like this, I felt confident.

Anna drove me to the bar and I went in. Soon as I did, I felt a lot of eyes falling on me, but my eyes looked for one man who wasn't there.

I sat on one of the stools and ordered a sherry. I wanted to sit there in peace until he comes but somebody had a different opinion.

"Are you looking for someone to keep you company?" a man appeared on the stool to my right. He smelled like a beer barrel and looked like one too with his huge built.

"Not really! I'm here to enjoy some time alone" I said in the sweetest tone I could muster hoping he'd go, but he didn't.

"People don't come to bars to stay alone darling" he snorted. And before he finished, I felt his arm wrapping itself around my hips.

"Is there a problem here?" A familiar voice intervened. And although the voice was calm with no sign of aggressiveness, the drunkard immediately pulled his arm away, stuttering some apologies and then he stumbled away from the barstool.

Dai kun sat in his place and ordered a bourbon.

"I thought you didn't like bars"

"Things change" I shrugged "I'm more of a grown woman now"

"I can see… even your dressing code has changed" he said.

"Yeah, I guess" I smiled. I really hoped he liked the change. My code has never changed actually, I just wore the dress for him but it was hard to tell if he was impressed, he didn't even look at me much, just turned his head and kept taking slow sips from his glass. "Shuichi kun, actually I came to this bar to see you, I need to ask you something"

"Akemi, I come here to forget about my work and my past, so please don't ask me"

"But I have to know, it's just one question"

"No!"

"what do you mean no?" I frowned.

"I don't want to remember those days, I closed a door on them. I don't want to be reminded or asked, please"

I looked down for a while.

"But I deserve to know" my voice came low it was barely audible.

Dai swallowed the rest of his drink in on sip. "I'm sorry, Akemi"

At that moment my eyes started getting blurred with tears. I was so determined to ask him and wasn't going to let him get away like the other times.

"Back then…" I started, not caring for what he said. Dai just shook his head.

"When, when we…"

"No" he whispered.

"Were in the organization…"

"No, no" his voice was getting louder, yet still low.

"When we dated…"

"Enough Akemi"

"Did you really love me?" I continued calmly.

_Now is the time I know, now is the moment of truth._

"I told you I don't want to be asked… I won't answer" he just said without even looking at me.

"You used me! You just don't want to say it to me like a man" My tears fell down my cheeks, I felt my heart ache as my hands formed two fists… everything we had back then! How could he be so evil?

"How could you be so cruel?" my voice broke. That's when he looked me back.

"No, no it wasn't like that" sweat was running down his skin.

I Stood up, gobbled the untouched glass of sherry in one sip, paid for my drink and left. Dai watched me but didn't say a word.

When I reached the door, I looked back at him for one last time. He seemed to struggle with himself in an inner quarrel. He knocked his fist firmly on the counter then placed a bill under his empty glass. I managed to slide out of the bar before he sees me, and within seconds, he was walking next to me.

"Akemi! You got it wrong"

"What's the wrong part? You did use me to climb up to a higher rank, I knew it even back then"

"Yes, but"

"But what?" I suddenly stopped and turned to face him, my voice broke as I continued "I lied to you, I did not expect you to find someone else, let alone to be married. I came here for the sole purpose of finding you"

"Look, Akemi! Back then you really did mean a lot to me"

"But not enough" I yelled as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I looked ahead and started walking again "don't bother yourself with lying, I can take a hint. You've been treating me like shit since you met me in the park"

"No… I… I didn't mean to-"

"I waited for you like an idiot. You ruined my life Dai Morobochi, I wish I never met you"

At that time, I felt his grip grabbing my wrist.

"I loved you god dammit!" he said while turning me to face him "I couldn't sleep for months, I was hunted by nightmares after your death, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do shit. So don't you dare say that"

I swallowed. When he let go of my hand, I took a step back and rested my back on the wall of some building behind me. It was late at night and not much people passed by.

"Then why did you get married?" I sobbed. The fact that he was married undid me.

"I was told you were dead! Do you think it was easy getting over you? It took me years to start seeing other people"

"How do I know you're not making this up?" what if he was trying to clear his position and not seem like the devil? What if he was saying this to protect my feelings after I told him I've been waiting for him?

Dai punched the wall behind me. It made me jump a little. He then pulled out his phone from the pocket while muttering some curses. He pressed a couple of buttons then showed me the screen. It was the text message I sent him three years and a half ago.

"I would never lie about such things, I thought you knew me better"

"I didn't know you…"

"you did! I am the same person you dated before, the only difference is my allegiance"

"Then why were you cold to me?"

He suddenly propped himself against the wall with his left hand, trapping me between his body, and the wall.

"Because, every time I saw you I felt something…" he closed his lips then went on "I missed you so much... your voice, your face... I felt like I might do something wrong… "

I could hear my heart racing like a drum. I felt my hands shaking when I lifted them to cup his cheeks, then I closed my eyes and kissed him.

At that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the fact that he was married, not the fact that he might hate me after this, not the fact that he treated me badly… it was just my lips and his. It was that smell I addicted, the aftershave, the bourbon. It was Di kun, it was my love.

* * *

**I hope you like it. Please let me know if you do... **


	5. The hug

I never came with the intention to do this. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. But there was something about Dai's confession that moved things inside me. Hearing him say that he cared about me, that he really loved me, that he grieved my death, that he missed me so much just like I missed him… and watching him hovering over me with his handsome face so close to mine was more than I could bear. And so it happened, I kissed him.

The kiss came out of nowhere. One second I was resting my back to the wall behind me, the next I was kissing him with my hands softly pressing his cheeks.

At that moment, it seemed as if a spell was cast on me. My logic was completely shut down and there were only emotions and feelings left inside me, only the feeling of his warm lips against mine and the feeling of familiarity, of long yearning being finally replaced by satisfaction. Just one kiss of him fixed my soul. I felt all the broken pieces inside me mending by his close contact, and I felt it all in slow motion.

I did not think of any consequences to my action. I just enjoyed the kiss while it lasted and it felt so damn right. It was just like the old days, as if nothing had changed between me and Dai. I had him where he belongs, next to me.

While he did not kiss me back, Dai kun did let the kiss last for a moment before he reacted. It wasn't until after a few seconds had passed that he broke away. I wasn't sure whether he let it last due to shock or because he actually enjoyed it. Either way, he ended it.

When he first pulled away from me and I had a visual of his face, I observed his expressions. It seemed like he wasn't there with me for a split second, as if my kiss had a lasting effect on him. His eyes were wide and wanting I could almost swear that he regretted pulling back. But when he lifted his greens and made eye contact with me, his eyebrows that were once raised dropped to form a frown.

"What was that Akemi?" Dai's voice was low yet deep. There was something dangerously threatening about the way he said the words enough that I retreated back to the wall behind me.

"I'm sorry, Dai kun. I-…"

"It's Shuichi." He yelled.

I knew Dai kun well and knew that he would never hurt me, but the way he yelled made me fear that he might do. He looked so scary with a frown splitting his face. And even though he retrieved the low tone as he continued, it did no good in hiding his obvious anger.

"I was just telling you how I don't want something like this to happen and you go on to do this?"

Maybe I was tipsy…I think I was because if I wasn't, I don't think I could ever gather enough courage to look him back as I did and answer calmly while his eyes dug holes in me.

"I just had to do that... even if it's only once."

Dai kun did not respond. He just sent me a glare as I watched his lips tighten in rage. And with that, he left me there and left.

(*)

My day splits into 2 major parts; one before Shuichi gets home, and the other is when I'm with Shuichi.

Don't get me wrong, my life does not revolve solely around him. I have a job that I love doing and friends that I love to meet. But there was something about Shuichi's presence next to me that turns everything upside down. It can't be compared to any time that I spend with anyone else. He is amazing in my eyes and I love everything about him. He is what makes my house a home.

The TV was on playing some sad movie but my mind was wandering way off. I was there, sitting on the couch, and smiling like an idiot because of those thoughts about Shu. He flooded my mind and it overwhelmed me enough that I started to miss him despite him being with me some twenty minutes ago.

When I finally got some sense knocked into me from a dying man in the movie _(Why am I even watching this?)_, I let out a loud sigh and reached for the TV remote to turn it off.

Next to the remote laid my phone. My eyes fixed on it for a moment. I felt an urge to call Shuichi and ask him to come back home. But I resisted the feeling. _He must've just gotten to the bar so it's too early to ask him to come back._

It was nothing unexpected that Shuichi would go to that bar tonight. That's what he does for years now, ever since I met him. Apparently, he used to play the accordion there when he first started FBI training, and I'm not even exaggerating when I say I would pay more than one salary to have a video of him doing just that.

I remember him taking me to a couple of dates there back when we dated, and even now we still go there together sometimes. Well back then he used to go to the bar every day, but since we got married he reduced it to weekends. And today was a Friday, the first day he gets to go there this week so I needed to be strong and resist the urge to call him.

My brain, however, begged to disagree. It kept on bombarding me with thoughts about Shu. I wanted him here next to me and I wanted to feel his warmth and closeness. It's because of the movie that I was 'half' watching; seeing the two lovers being together made me feel like I want to be with him. But then, it's only been twenty five minutes since he had left and I showed no objection when he said he's leaving. So what's with all of these feelings now?

I was stuck in an inner quarrel and my rational side won. I decided to wait. In the meantime, I fixed myself a glass of bourbon. Well, if he's not here, at least I could enjoy a glass of his favorite drink and bits of his sweet familiar scent.

I sat at the kitchen table waiting... It was not a good idea! If you wait for something without anything to distract you, that'll make time pass even slower and your thoughts to run wild. Only fifteen minutes had passed since I turned off the TV but it felt like an eternity.

_Why was I even waiting for his arrival like this? I knew his habits and usual schedule and I knew that there was still a long time for him to come back home, so why was I feeling this way? It's not like he's gonna get back through some telepathy. But what if something bad happened to him? Maybe he was in a car accident? Oh God no! He is my husband, my main man and I need him. Don't be crazy! He must be fine. But it's raining outside. Maybe I should call him? But what if he's driving, then he really will have an accident._

_Ugh screw it, I'm calling him... _And so, I ended up deciding.

I walked back to the living room. Just when I was about to grab my phone from the coffee table, I heard the key turn in the door. I lifted my head and fixed my gaze on the sound source until I saw Shuichi appear. _Maybe telepathy does work after all since he's back within merely half an hour of leaving. That is exceptionally early!_

With him coming through the door, the heavy vibe of the room had all disappeared. I let out a sigh of relief and dismissed all of the thoughts I've just had. The only one that remained was wanting him next to me after a long day at work. I wanted to feel him with me, to feel him close. And I strutted towards him in the hopes of achieving just that.

"Hello, handsome." I smiled.

"Hello."

Shu's voice was much less enthusiastic than mine. And his face was stern, unreadable as I always knew it to be. Yet there was a strange tenseness in his muscles that I wasn't familiar with, almost as if he was nervous.

"I was about to call you just now."

His greens that were fixed on me moved to the ground and he started taking off his shoes.

"Why? Something happened?"

"No nothing." I shook my head. "Just to check."

Shuichi slowly turned to the side and placed his shoes in the shoe Cabinet. When he turned back, his piercing gaze laid on the glass in my hand.

"I didn't know you drink bourbon." He noted as he started to unbutton his shirt.

"It's too strong for me but sometimes I crave it… I steal some of your bottles when I do." I winked at him.

"That explains a lot." He nodded with a faint smile that disappeared within a second.

We both started walking towards the living room as he continued unbuttoning his shirt.

"When you said you were going to the bar, I did not expect you to be back this soon."

"Yeah I changed my mind."

By that time, Shuichi finished unbuttoning his shirt. He took it off and held it in his left hand exposing his bare skin. It was too tempting to touch. _But not now, Jodie, Not yet! Ugh, I shouldn't have watched that damn movie._

"Why? What happened?" I asked him.

"It's nothing, Jodie, I just didn't feel like it anymore."

He glanced at me one last time then raced towards the bedroom. I continued watching him from my place and aside from his kind of strange behavior, he looked so damn hot.

When he disappeared from my sight, I walked after him and stood by the bedroom door silently. I rested my shoulder to the door frame and watched him take off his pant. He seemed not to notice I was there until he turned to look for his pajama, Shuichi looked almost surprised to see me standing there.

With his gaze meeting mine, I stepped to the inside and looked at him suspiciously.

"Are you okay, Shu?" I asked.

He stared me back and took a moment to swallow before answering.

"I am. Why are you asking me that?"

"I don't know, you look a little pale." I noted. I extended a hand and placed it on his forehead. His temperature was normal.

"I'm fine, Jodie." He said in a low voice as he retreated from my touch.

I nodded. A little moment of silence installed in the room. The bedroom was dark and the only light source was coming from the hallway near us, it was so faint and it made his green eyes glow with a beautiful, sexy shade.

"That aside, I'm glad that you came back. I was going to call to ask you to come home earlier." I said, putting an end to the silence.

"Why? " He asked as he walked from me to the wardrobe to get his pajama. My blue eyes kept following him.

"Nothing in particular… I just wanted you to be here with me." I shrugged as I placed the bourbon glass in my hand on the dressing table next to me.

"I was planning to go to sleep but looks like you have other plans." He said.

_Sleep? pfft! That was no problem for me! Many times we convinced each other of this in worse scenarios. So I was confident that I could win over sleep!_

His eyes avoided my burning gaze again as I watched him hold the pajama pants in his hand, he was about to put them on when I grabbed his wrist to prevent him.

"Actually yes, I do." My lips curved into a cunning smile that he knew too well.

I slowly proceeded to wrap both of my arms around his neck and looked him in the eye so closely. I brought our face closer together to the point that our noses were touching.

"Now that you're here, how about we invest the time in something more interesting than sleep?" I said with a low, sexy voice.

Shuichi looked me back so closely and with the low light, he was truly irresistible. I closed my eyes and closed the distance between us and softly kissed his cheek. _But that was nothing, that was not enough, I wanted to feel his closeness, I wanted him with me, I needed him with me._ My soft little kisses continued gently descending from his cheek until I reached the corner of his mouth. I kissed him there, leaving a wet trace behind and I already felt my breath becoming heavy and my heart beating like a drum.

It was all good until I printed the first kiss to his lips. Shuichi immediately pulled back from me and he stood there, rigid, with his eyes wide open.

My eyebrows drew together before that I could open my eyes to look at him. This was the first time something like this happens between us. Shuichi was always ready for this and if not, he would make it clear from the beginning, he wouldn't let me go this far and then suddenly pull back. It made me feel embarrassed and hurt.

For a moment, there was no sound but our shallow breaths. I withdrew my arms that were around his neck and stepped away from him. I opened my eyes and gazed at him with a hurt look on my face, blended with embarrassment and a hint of shock. None of us spoke for a second before that I broke the awkward silence.

"What's wrong, Shu?." I asked, hesitantly.

"I'm tired, Jodie. Can we do this another time?" He avoided my gaze again.

My eyes deviated from him and I opened my mouth when I managed to form a coherent response, but then I changed my mind. I decided to keep my feelings to myself, at least for tonight, since he's tired.

"Sure." I later said.

As I left the bedroom, I glanced at him one last time and saw him turn to put on his pants. I headed back to the kitchen and made myself another glass of bourbon.

(*)

The weather was exceptionally nice after so many rainy days. The sunshine poured through the big window of the living room greeting me with its warmth and joy. The smell of brewing coffee started diffusing in the room, taking over the scent of the pancakes that I was preparing.

Despite the nice ambiance, the thoughts of yesterday still lingered in my brain and left me with a heavy feeling that I couldn't get over.

The way that Shuichi retreated from me… Usually when he's tired he would make it clear from the beginning, before I could even print one kiss on him. Yesterday, he let me go until I kissed his lips and the way he had retreated was just... strange! As if my lips touching his triggered a reflex in him. He pulled back so fast, so rigidly, and he looked so tense. That's not how he is usually. He was acting strange. I had a feeling that he was hiding something from me.

But maybe I'm overthinking it. It shouldn't really be a big deal, he said he's tired so it's because of that. Yet there's something hurtful in being rejected by the person you love regardless.

Amid the smell of coffee and the sizzling of the pancakes, I stood near the stove with a spatula in my hand. I was standing there absentmindedly until I felt Shuichi's arm suddenly wrap around my waist, and his forehead resting against the back of my head.

"Good morning, princess." He said.

"Good morning." I replied. And for once, he sounded more enthusiastic than me.

He was already hugging me from behind when he pulled me closer to him and stuck his head over my shoulder to take a look at the cooking pancake. He then turned to look at me. I stole a fast glance at him from the corner of my eye. His hair was still messy from sleep contrasting his light skin. It looked too adorable.

"If you hand me that spatula, I'll take care of the rest."

"It's fine, Shu. I can handle it." I answered with my eyes glued to the pan. I did not want to look at him too closely. His eyes were mesmerizing and they make me have dark thoughts when they're too close. And after what happened yesterday, I was not ready to initiate a thing. And apart from that, I still felt a little embarrassed about the incident.

"I know you can. I just want to help." He spoke in a low voice next to my ear.

"Really." I said nonchalantly.

"Mmm" He hummed. It was too deep that I felt it reverberating through my bones. Shuichi placed his hand on mine where I held the spatula. "Now give me that."

"I said I can take care of it, Shu. But if you insist on helping me then I'll let you do the dishes later." I said -still without looking at him- and I could already hear the internal snort he had let out in his brain.

He always helped me with cooking because he enjoyed it. But rarely did with anything else. So by having him do the dishes, I was kind of punishing him while trying to play dumb. And I have no regrets for it, he deserves it.

"Alright." He said after a while.

For a moment, I felt his long arms tighten around me, pulling me even closer to him. He rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed his head to the side of mine before adding earnestly. "I love you so much, Jodie. You do know that, right?"

I knew it, but I appreciated hearing it again after the last night.

"I know. I love you too, Shu." I replied. My voice was still plain and tired unlike how he usually knew it to be.

I felt his head slowly move to the side of my neck. His warm lips pressed against my skin. He kissed me there for a long moment and I could clearly hear him gasp to fill his lungs with my scent as he did. When done, he lifted his head again and pressed it on the side of mine.

"Now aren't you going to let go of that spatula?"

"I thought we agreed I'll cook and you'll do the dishes. It's too late for a swap now."

"Who said something about a swap? I just want you to rest."

"It's almost done so I will finish this." My monotonous tone faced him stubbornly.

"As you want." He muttered.

His arms loosened around me and I heard him step towards the kitchen table. I stayed silent until I heard him walk to me again. He stood to my side and started.

"You didn't give me my morning kiss." He said fast, almost hesitantly. _That dork!_

That's my sentence to say when he's late for work, I can't believe the time came and we switched roles. Still, I did not want to give him the satisfaction of looking in my eyes. So I just flipped the pancake and answered him calmly.

"What is it with you today, Shu? It's not like you to be all lovey dovey."

"Maybe it's the weather change." He shrugged, sarcastically.

"Oh, so yesterday it was because of the bad weather that you-" I started. That's what's on my mind and I couldn't ignore it, so it's only fair that I bring it up. But Shuichi was fast to interrupt me.

"It was because I'm tired. But I'm not anymore, and I'm ready to make it up to you… which is what I'm gonna do right after breakfast." He said confidently.

"Don't make plans without me, who said I would accept?" I snapped at him.

"Hmm!... I think you will." He replied, still with a little too much confidence.

"No, sunny weather doesn't do it for me, I'd rather it be a rainy day. As for you next time… I'll make sure to watch the weather news before I make any moves." I retorted.

I was aware that I had no right to blame him. He said he was tired so that should suffice. But there was still a feeling of bitterness inside me that I needed to get out of my system, and he just happened to approach me at the wrong moment.

"Jodie…" He called my name. Something about the way he said it this time made me turn to look at him. It was not playful like his previous words, he sounded earnest and exhausted. "I told you I was tired... I have been feeling tired lately… I'm afraid that I'm making a mistake and it's making me feel constantly restless... I'm sorry if you expected more from me yesterday but I just couldn't…"

"...What mistake, Shu?"

Looking him back, I watched his lips curve downwards slightly, and then he swallowed hard.

"…Do you remember the other day when…" He trailed off, closed his eyes, and sighed deeply. "…It's…It's about work. But you don't like hearing those stories right?"

Shuichi's face, which always covered his emotions was exposed for that short minute. It made me see the exhaustion that he never liked to show and it filled me with worry. I stared at him deeply and shook my head slightly.

"No, Shu, if it's bothering you so much then of course I want to hear it."

"No, no, we had an agreement we should not discuss work at home. It's a beautiful day so let's not ruin it with that."

It was too easy for him to hide behind that poker face of his. He would let it crumble for a short moment before he would manage to get back to acting strong, no matter how broken he is. I was not like him, I was a transparent glass when it comes to my emotions. Maybe that's why I admired that quality in him, but sometimes I hate it because it covers much from me and that makes me worry about him. By that time, I forgot that the last night even existed and I was solely concerned with the problem he had.

"Really Shu, what is it? maybe I could help."

He sighed again. "Not now. This is the first morning we could enjoy this week. I really don't want to spoil it, Jodie."

I stared into his eyes and saw his will to avoid that topic. I knew Shu. if there's something he wants to say he'll say it, and if not, then he won't appreciate being asked. I had my ways of persuading him to tell me things and nagging was never one of them. I'll be using that later to know what's wrong, but for now, he wants to enjoy his morning and I'll give him just that. And so, I just nodded in agreement.

It happened simultaneously that he stepped towards me and I motioned for him to come closer. That exhaustion I saw in him, I just felt like he needed a hug to fix it and he happened to have the same idea since he approached me with that intention.

I took him in my embrace. Shuichi pulled me closer to him, encircling my torso within his long arms and he rested his head on my shoulder; just that position told me much about how tired he was. I felt like I wanted to protect him, to take whatever thing that caused him to feel this way and crush it. I just couldn't bear it when anything harmed my baby.

None of us seemed to be willing to break the hug but a bad burning smell reached both our noses, breaking it shortly after it started. We simultaneously broke away and I left him standing there and turned to the stove where laid a nice, dark, burnt pancake.

"Oh shit." I muttered as I tried to remove it with the spatula, but it was stuck.

"You know if you used the right recipe, it shouldn't get stuck even if it's burnt." He teased.

Ever since Shuichi learned to cook, he would not spare me a dish without a remark! I was a terrible cook, that I admit, and I knew that most of his remarques were just intended to be playful, but they do get on my nerves. I rolled my eyes as I turned to face him with both my hands on my waist.

"That was the last pancake anyway, so it doesn't matter. On another note, good luck with washing the dishes." I smirked.

"Now don't be so pumped, you're gonna have to help me because I don't know how to clean that thing you created on the pan."

_He knows! He's just trying to get out of it!_

"You know how to snipe from 700 yards away. I'm sure something like this won't be a problem for you, Mr Akai." I smiled as I carried the pancakes I'd already cooked to the table.

Shuichi grabbed the coffee pot and followed me. "You gotta stop using that argument for everything, Jodie."

"Well excuse me for being so proud of my husband."

"More like using it as an excuse to make your husband do all kinds of shit."

I let out a short laugh at his words. I was indeed guilty as charged but I was not ready to admit it.

I watched Shuichi smile back at my mischievous laugh. I was glad that I managed to take his mind off whatever problem he was having, -even temporarily- for he looked genuinely happy while the rays of sunshine covered half his face. He looked so tall and handsome and dreamy and god I better stop before I burn another thing...

* * *

**I watched Shoe put the Shuus in the Shuu cabinet. Excuse my bad pun but I just couldn't let this pass unnoticed XD. I hope you enjoyed reading and if you did, please leave me a review, that would be very appreciated.**


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